Secret team of Heroes may be our only hope!
A hostile extraterrestrial invasion has declared war against humanity. Fiery, disc-like spacecrafts rain down from the heavens, using bright beams of light to abduct residents from their own homes. Many residents are reported as being returned to us, days or weeks later, but different in demeanor, disposition, and noticeably their skin has a faint shade of green.
In a statement broadcast from a secure underground bunker, President Hammond, gave an impassioned speech to Americans citing the need for strength, hope, and unity in this dark time. He cautiously revealed that they have recruited a team of specialists who are hard at work in the development of a cure that will eradicate all traces of alien life forms. The cure has been shown to be successful in preliminary trials and they are beginning preparations towards mass production of the concoction. Hammond admitted that there had been several setbacks as close confidants had been exposed as being undercover aliens, sabotaging these efforts all along.
Representatives from his team of specialists, including a scientist, doctor, and an astronomer, stated that their studies have shown that there is a 100% chance that you are among an alien secretly in disguise as a human right now as you read this. They suggest not making eye contact with anyone, getting up, and walking in a direction that takes you far away from civilization at a brisk pace.
This invasion is only the latest in a string of reported alien activity. These paranormal events are including but not limited to humming lights flying in the sky, scorched circular patches of earth around discarded shoes, and trails of an unidentified slime leading from the edge of the forest to the back doors of numerous homes along Old Windmill Road.
A month ago famed radio operator, Miguel Santos, publicly stated, “I saw them with my own two eyes, strategizing and communicating in the night. They already walk among us. Aliens could have already corrupted you…or you…or me. The signs are right in front of us – do not ignore them!” In a follow up statement yesterday, Miguel added, “Told you so.”
When reached for a comment, Mayor Jonathan Doe could not respond, as he had been probed by aliens and was rendered speechless due to a combination of shock and deep shame. In elaborate hand gestures he appeared to suggest that citizens run, screaming, their arms in the air, and if that fails to surrender immediately to the new alien overlords. When complimented on his ability to mime, the Mayor made a warm gesture with his hands over his heart. More on this story as it develops and our newspaper continues to be still standing.
President has Nuclear Backup Plan
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Reports of Suspicious Alien Activity Sweeping the Nation
Advice from ‘Dear Abbey’ on what you can do to protect yourself and your family from contracting this Alien Parasite. Page 6